Underlying Pain
by DreamingIce
Summary: For the second time in his life, Brom experiences the overwhelming pain of loosing someone he loves, and reflects. Before the series, but with spoilers from Eldest. First in a Brom 'mini trilogy'.


Pain

**AN: My first venture into the Eragon fandom. This vig focuses on Brom, just after he kills Morzan, and has come to Carvahall. He's reflecting back on his life so far, and there are a couple of things that may surprise you... Plenty of Eldest Spoilers.**

**If I do more Eragon stuff, I'll probably look at the minor characters (I love playing with them...) :D**

**Also, please note that the Saphira mentioned in here refers to the first Saphira only. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except the name of the young rider who was originally destined to be Shruikan's rider. I don't even own my twisted little theory, cause of it turns out to be true, it'll be Paolini's property... :bows to the master of Alagaësia:**

The pain threatened to overwhelm him; leave him helpless.

But it was no physical pain—he was used to that—although he wished that it was. If it was, he could have either healed it, or let it carry him into the void of the afterlife.

But this was the soul-shattering effect of intense emotional and spiritual pain. Something he had felt only one other time, many years before. There could be no escape from it; he knew that from experience.

Swearing viciously, he kicked his half-empty bag across the other side of the room. All he achieved was a throbbing in his toes as it connected with something hard.

_Snap out of it! _he hissed to himself. _Self-pity won't get you anywhere!_

Trying to ignore the pain in his right foot, he glanced around the small room. A part of his new home. That bit still had to sink in. A real home, it was something that he hadn't known for so long...

First home had been a small bungalow in Kuasta; full of noise and the laughter of his family. Then home had become his quarters at Doru Areaba or Ilirea—or with Saphira, no matter where they were.

During his teens, he had been aware that Galbatorix had lost his dragon, and had asked for a new one. Everyone knew of that, and how the elders had refused his pleas. Their were whispers that Galbatorix was insane. That was proven the next year, when he was found with the blood of an elder and a fellow rider dripping from his hands. he had escaped into the night, and the searches had begun in earnest.

But years went by without any trace. They became sporadic, and life went on. He had latched on to the older student of his teacher—a bitter memory that caused Brom's face to twist in a mixture of disgust and rage. He had looked up to Morzan, thought that they were close.

The twisted perceptions that youthful adolescence can present people with, Brom thought bitterly. Then Morzan had finished his training, and they saw little of the other—unless Morzan wanted Brom to do something for him.

Then the betrayal that Brom never expected. Galbatorix entered Ilirea with Morzan's help, and stolen Shruikan from the young Rider for whom he had just hatched. Eleven-year-old Aliriel had no chance against the two of them, but had fought nonetheless, and the discovery of her small, broken body sent shockwaves through the Riders.

From then, the Riders were on edge as searches were renewed with vigour. Brom's twenty-second birthday passed as the tension levels sky-rocketed with the first appearance of Galbatorix and Morzan.

Life descended into mad frenzy. Twelve of the Riders deserted the order and joined Galbatorix, forming the dark entity of the Forsworn—or the _Wyrdfell, _as the elves called them. And Brom joined the ranks of Riders who experienced the all-consuming pain of losing a part of themselves: their dragon. Saphira had been a part of him for over a decade; having her snatched away broke him apart.

In the confusion, his old teacher, Oromis had dragged him back to Ellesméra after escaping capture. That time just gave him clarity as to who was blame for his pain, the one who had betrayed his trust in the worst way.

Morzan.

Two syllables that filled his head with the red smog of rage. He would get his revenge on Morzan—and those who fought with him—if it killed him. He joined the Riders and elves, including King Evandar, who forced Galbatorix and the Forsworn to fight on Ilirea's plains. Oromis—and Glaedr—had tried to talk him out of it, but he was past the point of reasoning.

Evandar's death during that fight threw the elves into even more confusion, and the grief of his mate, Islanzadí, was tangible.

But the confusion, Brom decided, could be used to his advantage. He gathered others who despised Galbatorix, who hunted down the Riders like cattle. This group he christened the 'Varden', which meant 'guarding' in the Ancient Language. That what they tried to do. Guard people from this "Empire" Galbatorix was raising.

They did so with only minor degrees of success. It wasn't helped by the fact that the Varden's moral took a steep dive after Vrael's death at the renamed Ristvak'baen. Brom only kept hold of the leadership for a few years before he realised that it was hindering his goal: hunting down the thirteen Forsworn. He handed the reins over power over and prepared for the trek back to Ellesméra.

The elves watched him with hooded eyes, and Oromis, Glaedr and Islanzadí welcomed him with obvious relief—they didn't want to morn yet another rider. The sorrow in their eyes only became more pronounced as he recounted the news from outside Du Weldenvarden; even Islanzadí and Evandar's young daughter, four-year-old Arya, looked at him through solemn eyes.

After a rather disastrous plea to the Elvin smith to make him a blade to replace the blade he had lost, he left once more to hunt the Forsworn. He channelled his energy into it, and as the years scrolled past, two of the Forsworn fell to his blade, and another five by actions that he had planned. He had felt that his hunt was coming to the last critical stage, where the wrong move would spell failure.

Then his planning to gave way to an… interesting—no, shocking—fact. Morzan had a mistress, and, if the rumours were to be believed, a son too.

It was incomprehensible to Brom, that any woman would... put up with that... monster.

That was, until he met Selena.

He had been scouting around Terim with Jeod for information on the dragon eggs Galbatorix when he came across her. He was fascinated by this paradox, who had the appearance of a country woman but had the steel of determination alive in her hazel eyes.

An unlikely friendship formed between the two, and it wasn't long before they stumbled on each other's secrets.

Selena had blanched at the look on Brom's face the next time they met, and sobbed out her story in his arms. She told him of the façade she had fallen for, the son—Murtagh—that she feared for, her longing to take Murtagh and just run away from Morzan.

That was when he fell in love with her.

And he had yet another reason to kill Morzan.

Then he became embroiled in Jeod's fevered plans to steal the dragon eggs from Galbatorix via a secret tunnel from Gil'ead to Urû'baen. There had only been one chance in the mayhem to see Selena.

She was a wreck. In the latest of Morzan's drunken rages, he had thrown his sword at the next moving target he'd seen: his three-year-old son. All Brom could do was hold her as she sobbed into his shirt, thinking of many foul phrases to describe Morzan. Then she dropped her bombshell: she was pregnant, and the child was his.

For the first time since Saphira's death, Brom was truly afraid for someone he loved. He begged her to escape while she still could, but she couldn't with Morzan hovering over her.

Selena need a distraction to leave, and even then she refused to leave permanently; she would not leave Murtagh alone. They managed to reach a compromise that once she got the chance, she would run to Carvahall—to her brother there—and he would join her.

They didn't speak of what would happen in between. They both refused to acknowledge the danger in their plans.

So they had parted, not knowing that it would be the last time they saw each other again.

Brom, full of determination, stole one of Galbatorix's dragon eggs—a blue one that reminded him vividly of Saphira's egg from so many years ago—and ferried to the Varden hurriedly before making him visible enough to lure his prize catch out.

It worked. Well, the disappearance of the egg was enough for Galbatorix to send his dog out to do his bidding. Finally, Brom lured to the Gates of Doru Areaba.

The fight was long and hard, with angry slurs and insults peppering the mental armour of both Riders. There a couple of times when Brom was afraid that his blade—excellent quality, yet still inferior to the blade he had originally wielded as a Rider—would break under the force of Morzan's ruby-red blade. But Brom knew he _had _to win this fight; if he lost, it wasn't just his own life that he forfeited.

As the blood-red rays of sunset began to streak though the air, Brom wormed his way through Morzan's defence to deliver the fatal blow.

He spent as much time as he dared recovering before taking to the road. It took him another month-and-a-half to reach Carvahall.

Only to find that he'd got there too late. Selena was gone. It's all the people of the small village could talk about, Selena appearing suddenly, four months pregnant, and staying with her brother until the baby—a son—was born, then she begged Garrow and his wife to take care of him. The shock that this request stirred up in the village was colossal. When asked why, Selena had cried, "I must!" Garrow and Marian took the child in, promising to raise him like their own son, Roran.

Selena stayed long enough to name the child Eragon before leaving once more.

Brom was nothing more than an old storyteller, a newcomer, to the people of Carvahall, they didn't expect him to take any real interest in the latest gossip topic.

_If only they knew_, thought Brom, _if only they knew..._

He had only seen Eragon—_his _son—a couple of times. Already, Brom could see his mother's hair and hazel eyes on him.

He had been torn, stay here and watch over his son, or go and find Selena? In the end, the choice was taken from him. One of his contacts sent him word that Selena was dead, unknowingly plunging Brom into his current bout of depression.

Brom raised his blood-shot eyes and looked around the room vacantly. Was he doomed to fail everyone he loved? And if so, maybe it was better that Eragon didn't know that he was his father.

But he knew that he'd stay none the less. Better to live with the small pain of being unable to acknowledge Eragon as his son, than not being able to see him grow up at all.

**AN: Yes, this is my theory on Eragon's father, taking into account Blagden's little riddle in Eldest... Please tell me some one agrees with me...**

**In Eldest, Oromis mentions that Galbatorix and Morzan had killed Shruikan's original rider, but the rider wasn't named. I guessed that they would only have been young as Shruikan was still a hatchling when he was stolen.**

**Also, where the Varden's name comes from is pure speculation on my part, but I assumed that it came from part of "Du Weldenvarden" which means the Guarding Forest. Why do I think that 'guarding' is the 'varden' part opposed to the 'welden' part? Because it sounds too similar to 'wald'—german for forest. Just a little theory. I could be wrong... (I really want to find out what the Urû'baen means, as Brom mentioned that the Rider name for Utgard was Ristvak'baen, the Place of Sorrow. I've assumed that 'baen' means place, so I wonder what 'Place of' Urû'baen is...  
****I'm too inquisitive for my own good...**

**But please review!**


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